Magistrate No Get Eye for Back

“Yes! Come over here. Are you the driver?”

“No, but I am a witness to what happened from the beginning to the end.”

“So what happened?”

“Actually the driver was driving his vehicle jeje when…”

“When what? OC, what do you think you are doing?”

“I’m trying to interrogate this man over what happened.”

“You mean here in Erimo?”

“No, Erinjesha.”

“Was it incidented here or there?”

“Well, I think it does not matter since both Erinjesha and Erimo are within the same zone.”

“Okay, but I’d want a written statement instead of this oral interview.”

“You hear? Oga say make you write am for statement.”

“No problem. Can I have a sheet of paper?”

“You have to pay for it since headquarters has not given us a new supply. What you see on the table over there was bought with our own money.”

“I’ll pay.”

“Okay. Here you go. You can now start.”

“It was one of those freak accidents. The driver was going at the speed of 60 kilometres per hour through the sleepy, quiet, seemingly deserted town at about 6.55 pm on that terrible day, a day when the devil was criminally thirsty. Just from no where a little girl dashed across the road. The driver pressed hard on the brakes and at the same time swerved to avoid hitting the little girl. It was a reflex action that would prove very decisive later. The girl hit the side mirror and was flung back on impact…”

“Let me see what you have written so far. Hmmm… Okay. So what happened immediately?”

“Within seconds the seemingly desolate town was filled up with people from only-God-knows-where. Old men, middle-aged women, students, farmers, genuine sympathisers, fake Samaritans, opportunistic onlookers, selfless helpers and do-gooders all trooped out to lend a hand or mouth to the unfolding ‘drama’. Soon some were spoiling for ‘action’ but what saved the driver and, perhaps, his passengers was the consensus that it was no fault of theirs. Still arguments raged. Passion rose. Emotion reigned supreme while reason took the back door. An understandable Babel of voices almost drowned the driver and the occupants of the car…”

“So what follows? Enough of this grammar!”

“Meanwhile some good Samaritans had lifted the accident victim on a bike and rushed her to a nearby clinic. They were quickly referred to the state University Teaching Hospital where all hands were literally on deck. Medical students hovered on the accident victim propounding different kinds of medical theories. One said it was obvious the little girl had brain damage. “How do you know that?”, queried another. A concerned relation wanted to know if he meant brain injury or brain damage. He said he would need an X-ray to determine that. His fellow student was scandalised. “You mean brain scan?” As we soon found out both were correct. Brain scan is it. But since the hospital did not have the machine an X-ray was their best bet…”

“Let me see… So what eventually happened?”

“At the end of the day the team of doctors and consultants saddled with the task of rescuing the girl concluded that she needed to have a Citi-Scan fast. Stalemate. The teaching hospital had none! How about another teaching hospital complex nearby? An SOS call was put through. The Citi-scan machine there was not functioning. Another stalemate. Where would they go from here? The last resort was yet another University Teaching Hospital at “Six Roundabouts”, Oluyole City. An ambulance was mobilised for the immediate transportation of the girl who had been in coma since the accident occurred. Each second mattered. At the hospital, the Citi-Scan would only be done if urgent deposit was made. All the relations and sympathisers rallied round to make money available. It was only then that she was rushed to the theatre around 10 pm where doctors battled to drain accumulated fluids from her brain. She did not leave the surgical theatre until 4 am the following day. She spent 24 hours in the intensive care unit, ICU, before she was eventually transferred to the West West Ward of the Pedeatrics Unit. Still the parents were worried. Mosunmade, their daughter, had not come to. Her open eyes could discern anything. Her ears could not catch any sound waves. She could not do anything except breathing. Food had to be passed into her system through an ingenious ‘umbilical cord’…”

“Will this your statement not be too long?”

“But you asked for it. If you want the truth, the truth and nothing but the truth you have to bear with me.”

“Okay, go on. That’s how you people rope yourselves in with grammar. You better start to round up.”

“On the 14th day a miracle happened. Mosunmade suddenly stirred and tried to remove the “tube of life” passed through her nose. She was asked what she thought she was doing. There was no response. Then she tried to remove the catheter. The father winked to the mother. Before the end of the day she had also tried to remove the medical “turban” on her head. On the 15th day she made gesticulations she wanted to ease herself. The following day she regained full consciousness as she recognised “Baba Olomi”, apparently somebody who looked like the man selling “pure water” in their backyard back in the village. Mosunmade finally left the hospital exactly 24 days after admission… Allahu akbar!”

“I think that should be all for now, except you really want to put yourself on the gallows.”

“I do have some comments as footnote. It’s a shame that our hospitals do not have the relevant equipment with which to work. Imagine if the third hospital did not have a Citi-Scan machine like the first teaching complexes, what would have happened to Monsumade? The two teaching hospitals closest to the point of accident were not in the position to do anything other than give first aid! Should anybody blame those who fly abroad to treat even common ailments like malaria while the masses including little Monsumade depend only on Mother Luck to survive?!”.

“You are accusing the government, abi? We shall meet in court. Magistrate no kuku get eye for back.”

“Let’s just thank God.”

This is an opilogue version of a real life experience. Only the characters’ names have been changed.