BULLSHIT IN THE HOUSE

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Yeh! Yeh!! Yeh!!!

What's troubling you?

Sir, can't you see the legislators fighting themselves?

Point of correction. They are not fighting themselves but one another. That's what I taught JSS 3 last week. Nobody fights himself except he is mad.

Exactly, sir! I think they are mad.

No, they are not mad. It is mad that is madding them.

Then we should leave the public gallery immediately, sir. Our literaure teacher says we must always be far from the madding crowd.

Actually I didn't know this would happen today we wouldn't have come visiting on the day the road to the national assembly was famished. Well, I hope you did not see too much of the ugly display.

As for me, sir, I saw plenty. I saw a law breaker, sorry, a law maker give another one a blow on the head. I saw one tear the dress of the other to pieces and made him look like a student on a rag day.

Sir, I also saw something.

What's that?

I saw a woman almost disrobed and I bet they would have exposed her nakedness if not for the TV cameras that saved the situation.

How do you mean?

Master! If those people didn't fear anything at least they feared the cameras. I could see that anytime they saw the TV camera panned in the direction of two combatants the others would provide a human shield to cover them.

Okay, let me tell you that what you saw was just a child's play compared to what normally happens in Japanese, Korean, Pakistani and Indian parliaments. Even in the old Western Region it was battle royale in their house of assembly. There was even a time that the fighting was so tough that the law makers had to jump out through the window to escape the mini war inside during which matchets, knives, guns, tear gas, amulets and talisman were used. Anyway I hope you have learnt a lesson from this. Liadi, you used to say you would like to become a legislator, do you still think that is feasible in view of what we have just witnessed?

It's still feasible, sir. It's the most lucrative business in the (Niagara) world. Even at the point of death I'd like to have a bite at the national cake also. All I have to do is that I will always arm myself to the hilt with American, British and Native insurance before leaving home everyday. Actually it's good I came here today. The works of our elders are works of wisdom. I have learnt a lot. As Chinua Achebe says in "Things Fall Apart" when mother cow is chewing grass its young ones watch its mouth. We have watched our elders in the house and we shall put to practice what we have learnt, insha Allah!

Bullshit! God have mercy!!