Long Time, No Zee!

Photo credit: parrots4parties.com

Mrs Evelyn Forcados, a young Lagos housewife, likes pets so much that she has a private zoo in her Ikoyi residence. One day she decided to look for a parrot to add to her collection of pets. She went to the nearby Palms Shopping Complex in Lekki and went straight into a pet shop looking for a cute parrot. The shop assistant told her that parrots were very expensive because of their communication ability. Eventually she showed the woman a beautiful parrot in an equally beautiful cage in one corner.

"How much is this one?", she asked the shop assistant. "It looks so beautiful".

"Just N200"

"Why is it so cheap?"

"Well, there's a reason for that. It used to live in a seedy brothel in Ajegunle and as a result its language is a bit profane. Nobody seems to want to buy it".

"Oh, I don't mind that. I'm a broad minded woman and my husband would not mind it either. It will be a good laugh having a profane parrot in the house". Having said this, she purchased the parrot and took it home.

Once safely in its new home, the parrot looked around and squawked at the woman, "Hoooohooo....a new brothel and a new madam".

"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel", she scolded the parrot trying not to laugh. A little later her two teenage daughters arrived home from a party, drunk as usual, one was puffing away on a stick of cigarette.

"Un...un...believable! A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes", said the parrot when it saw the woman's daughters. The girls were not amused. "Mummy...hic..tell your bloody f......g parrot to shrrruuup...hic...we are not prrrostittttutes...hic", complained the youngsters but they could see the funny side of the encounter and they had a good laugh at their new pet. But their mummy was not smiling. A short while later their father came home and the parrot squawked again...."In...in...in...credible! A new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old customers!! How d'you do, Mr. Forcadozzzz? Long time, no zeee!"