Thank you, Mrs MD. Indeed, I’m quite delighted to be here today to share my thoughts with the students of this famous school, some of whom will later grow to be successful housewives and caterers. I can see that they are all promising and cheerful and, permit me to say this, that they are very marketable because as the Yoruba say, olobe lo loko. (It is the woman who knows how to cook that gains an inroad into a man’s heart.) I, therefore, congratulate all of you for making the wise decision to learn how to cook and feed mankind with your culinary expertise. This brings me to the topic of today’s lecture: COOKING IN GOD’S OWN KITCHEN. The talk is aimed at showing you that God is the greatest provider of the foods we cook and the ingredients we use. In the Garden of Eden, God made everything easy for mankind but He knows we are men of little faith who are given to scepticism. Today I implore you to throw away your books on scepticism and follow me straight into Eden to see what God has provided for us in His orchard. He has made sure that He has a fool-proof method of showing us what food helps what part of the body so that scientists and philosophers do not confuse us when we want to choose from His divine bowl of possibilities. God has deliberately designed certain foods for us in such a way that we do not need a soothsayer or interpreter to tell us what parts of the body will benefit most from such items. He leaves a clue for us by the shape of many a plant or fruit or tuber. Here we go.
Slide 1. Yes, as you can see in the picture, a horse is eating carrot. Look critically at the sliced pieces on the horseman’s kitchen table. A sliced carrot looks like a part of the human anatomy. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye. Now, science has shown that carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes. No wonder the horse takes carrot to sharpen its vision! Think about that. Next.
Slide 2. Again, this is another sliced fruit. It has four chambers and is red. The heart too has four chambers and is red. Can you imagine? Modern research has shown that tomatoes are loaded with what scientists call lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food. Next, please.
Slide 3. Yes... that’s walnut. A walnut looks like the brain. It has a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and cerebellums. The wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. The whole world now knows that walnuts help develop more than three dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Slide 4. These are kidney beans. They are so called because they resemble human kidneys and... Can you believe this? They actually help maintain kidney function. Next!
Slide 5. My God! This is amazing!! Look at the avocados, the eggplants and pears. Don’t they look like the womb and cervix of the female? And can you believe it that God has deliberately targeted these fruits to assist in the health and function of these organs? Today’s research has shown that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances her hormone system, sheds unwanted birth weight and prevents cervical cancer.Related slide, please.
Slide 6. Hmmm...wait a minute. Well...go on. As you can see in this picture, these are figs. They are full seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male ....emmm....male....emmm...emm....
Dr. Ogunbenah, what’s the problem?
I just don’t know how to say it in front of these young girls…
This is an adult class. Say it and let the fundamentalists be damned.
Thank you, Mrs MD, for giving the go-ahead. I guess there’s a way out. I mean figs increase the mobility of male’s “swimming tadpoles” and increase their numbers as well to overcome male sterility. Meaning that God really wants Adam and Eve to multiply in the Garden of Eden.... Actually, I had wanted the technician to zoom in on another slide which is the one showing oranges, grapefruits and ... so, next.
Slide 7. Yaah! These are what I have just talked about. Oranges, grapefruits and other citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and they actually assist the health of their human counterparts and the movement of lymph in and out of them. I can hear some murmurings. God’s pharmaceutical ingenuity is amazing! It’s awesome!! Next, please.
Slide 8. These are onions and they look like the body’s cells. Research has revealed that onions help clear waste materials from all the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelia layers of the eyes. A working companion, garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body. All these free gifts from God are best and much stronger when eaten raw but it’s not possible to have them raw all the time. Hence we need to cook some, process others and add natural preservatives to make them last long on the shelf. You have the potential of being the greatest cooks in the land but God is the ultimate nutritionist and herbalist. He prescribes fruits and herbs for man to use and we all scramble to worship at His divine feet to bring succour to the hungry, the sick and the afflicted. No food is a waste. So, anytime you go abroad and they serve you this their variety of green foods, gulp them down like a hungry mendicant. Each knows what to do in your body. The oyinbo man knows this but we deride them out of ignorance or lack of a strong food culture. At least, at the end of this pep talk, we shall all see why garri in the morning, fufu in the afternoon and pounded yam at night with bush meat cannot help our body other than giving us Olumo (rock) tummies.