Friday, August 7, 2009

The Big ‘IFs’

"Praise the Lord, Alleluyah"

in the Catholic Church?!

This is a litany of 'IFs' from a reader who seems embroiled in old school hypothetical syllogisms. And see below each ‘IF’ my attempt to give life to the non-rhetorical question. Here we go.

If you could be sculpted by an artist in history, who would you choose?

Simple. Whoever is the sculptor that sculpted Naomi Campbell, the famous model (minus her off-the-handle temper).

If you could say two sentences to the current Pope what would they be?

Your Holiness, warn your priests in Niagara to desist from copying the Pentecostal pastors by shouting 'Praise the Lord, Alleluyah!' in the church. It reduces the dignity, finese and solemnity of Roman Catholicism.

If you could 'assassinate' one famous 'monster' in your country, which would it be?

Corruption! The hydra-headed monster which no IGP (Inspector General of Police) has been able to arrest.

If you could be instantly fluent in one other language that you currently do not read or speak, which would it be?

Isoko. The language is lyrical ballards in motion. Anytime I hear the native speakers speak this sonorous language I always put on my dancing shoes!

If you had the choice which language would you not want to speak.

Mandarin Chinese. Sounds as if two bulls are fighting in a china shop. No wonder it is the language of kung fu.

If you were kidnapped and allowed to telephone only one person, who would that person be and what would you tell him.

The President. And I would say this: “Please, Mr. President, do not pay any ransom. Just hand over the reins of power to them.”

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